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Ashley DePaulis

Embodied Success

Gift from Ashley: ashleydepaulis.ck.page/freegift

 

Ashley works with high achieving women in leadership who are approaching burnout, or at risk of burnout. This often shows up as pushing through stress related pain, not being able to turn-off an anxious mind, or feeling like they can never stop. She helps them recharge and move into states of energetic calm, health and vitality so they can have success without nagging stress.

Connect with her: 

FB: https://www.facebook.com/ashley.depaulis/
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/innerathlete/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/ashley.depaulis/

Highlights & Imperfect Transcript

  1. Part of me that wants to help, that cares about how people feel, and that wants them to feel good in their bodies.

  2. I learned that I had been living with PTSD for 14 years without knowing it.

  3. That's when I learned and I had heard from being in the health and chronic stress and disease world that pain can occur in the body without actually having any reason for it.

  4. P.A.I.N - Please Acknowledge I'm in Need

  5. Women's energy doesn't quite work like a man's. We don't have to work like them, though we have been and that's what's burning us out.

  6. It's like your vision is so clouded because you've just had your head down going and you can lift your head up, and it just opens your eyes to a greater perspective.

  7. Simply the exercise of saying how else could I do this frees up your energy, changes it.

  8. Step back. Ask ourselves some questions. Be curious about it.

  9. Very many times when we're head down, we're bullying ourselves.

  10. It's about the having both and when we run one too strong. It's out of whack and vice versa.

  11. The healing piece, it doesn't have to take forever.

  12. They not only feel more grounded, healthy, and energetic, they don't emotionally react in the same way that they once did.

  13. When we’re grounded, we're actually in our body where the mind, the body, and the heart can work in unison.

  14. Where I know that I'm in flow is where I'm not so fixated on something having to be a certain way or attached to it being a certain way like really welcoming in new opportunities, ideas.

  15. When you're doing the mind chatter, when all of a sudden you're creating story, you're deciding what other people think, or how things are gonna turn out, you're just creating a narrative that's like, just total fiction.

  16. I also do a grounding meditation or prayer however you want to see that, as I'm walking with my dog.

  17. I don't have to sacrifice myself or something I want or something I desire for either success or someone else. Not a sacrificial lamb.

  18. When the sign start coming up, listen when it's a whisper versus one is.

00:00

Cheri Honeycutt:  Here we go. Oh, hi, Ashley. Hello. You guys, I have a wonderful guest today, Ashley DePaulis. And I'm so, so glad that she has taken time to come and spend with me and with you to talk about her story and about how living on purpose and her pieces of wisdom about how to do that. Ashley, I just can't thank you enough. I'm already excited about what conversation—

00:27

Ashley DePaulis:  So excited.

00:29

Cheri Honeycutt:  Yeah. Well, we haven't even had the conversation yet and already know it's gonna kick ass. It's gonna be great. So let me just give you guys the thumbnail on this woman right here. The name of her business is called Embodied Success. And you'll understand more about that in just a minute. Look, get these words here. She is a body muse and movement alchemist. I read that Ashley and I went, “Oh man, I'm so jealous.” Those are some kick ass words – body muse and movement alchemist.

She teaches people how to activate their body's natural healing state for growth and expansion. By feeling, processing, and understanding the energy being expressed through the body. If you really get your head around that, that's some big stuff there. Right? She's had a shift from states of burnout and stress. You know that thing you've read about that other people have, right? That stress into mental physical and energetic calm.

Oh my goodness, she works with high achieving women in leadership, those who are approaching burnout or maybe have already crossed over the line into burnout. Is that right, Ashley? Even if you're there, okay, it's not too late. You can work with you. Were gonna know more. That's just sort of the thumbnail on what she does. Ashley? Holy cow.

So I'm just gonna get right to it. I know a tiny bit of your story. But what I've seen to be true with a lot of folks and a lot of healers, coaches, energy workers, we come to this work because of our own our own personal story. And I think that's true for you. Am I right?

02:10

Ashley DePaulis:  Yes.

02:12

Cheri Honeycutt:  Do you want to share? Let's start there. Will you start there and tell us your story or parts of your story.

02:16

Ashley DePaulis:  My story, where it all began.

02:18

Cheri Honeycutt:  Where did it all begin, Ashley? Yeah, fill us in.

02:23

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah. So it is true that I came to or expanded more fully into this work because of my own healing journey. Prior to that, came into this work because of my interest in health and fitness and wellness and well-being. So that's always been something that's been part of my life. You know, I always describe myself as a mover. I love moving. Sitting still is not my thing even though I do very much appreciate rest and relaxation. So that doesn't mean I'm one of those goers all the time. Though I used to be.

03:07

Cheri Honeycutt:  Good distinction.

03:10

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah. So one of my favorite stories is, when I was in third grade, there was this girl in my class and people were making fun of her, for she was more developed than other people on the class, physically developed. But then also was being made fun of for being a little heavier. And kids are cruel and I sat near her and I had this brilliant idea, which is gonna not sound brilliant because you know I was a kid. Depending on how you interpret this. I was like, “Hey, I think I can help you. How about I come home with you after school one day and we play?”

04:02

Cheri Honeycutt:  Gotcha! You should just be a little air bunny. Someone when you listen to play with air Bunny too.

04:09

Ashley DePaulis:  You know, since I'm a mover. Play to me meant that I held the stop watch and we went through movement drills. And she never invited me over again.

04:28

Cheri Honeycutt:  (Laughs) Oh, little Ashley. I can fix you.

04:37

Ashley DePaulis:  I have the answers for you.

04:38

Cheri Honeycutt:  I have the answers for you. But you know, don't we do that? We apply the answers that have worked for us, you know, but my guess is how has that changed for you now, Ashley? How did you do it differently?

04:50

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah, so I mean, I was in third grade. The reason I shared that story is because I think you know your message is designing your life on purpose. And I think we make purpose mean something really big. And it's usually what I found within myself and what I found within other people. It's connected to the thing that really lights you up that you do naturally and you do easily. So I share that story to say, even though the work that I do now is evolved, it's connected to that part of me that wants to help, that cares about how people feel, and that wants them to feel good in their bodies.

05:39

Cheri Honeycutt:  That’s a beautiful story. In fact, when I work with clients, sometimes we go back and try to go, let's go back to when you were a kid. What was the thing that lit you up? That's often the breadcrumbs to helping you as an adult. Figure out what really matters now. So I love that story. I love that. So you've had that passion for a long time. Then tell me where it intersected with some of your challenges? Talk about that.

06:09

Ashley DePaulis:  So when I was 19 years old, I was in a really bad car accident. I was in the car with my boyfriend and my dog. And we were on the road for 15 minutes. We were on the interstate and we were hit by a drunk driver. And that experience, I broke my back and all kinds of other bones in my body. And through that experience, it was a near death experience. There's that aspect of it.

But the piece, a big piece that I learned from that—and some car accidents after—was that this initial accident, where I broke my back and had surgery and the physical piece of that recovery was, although frustrating, because when you're at any age, but especially when you're young, and you still like going out there and just doing life very easily, being injured is annoying and frustrating, and having to rely on other people and being slowed down.

I remember being so frustrated by having to take naps. And that was kind of a barometer for me of what I don't have to take a nap through the day, then, like that's a sign that I have been moved upon my path.

07:44

Cheri Honeycutt:  It's not lost on me that you described yourself as a mover and then all of a sudden you find yourself unable to move in the way. I mean what a profound opportunity to either dive in a deep hole of depression and/or come out of that. Did you do both

08:06

Ashley DePaulis:  Interestingly, so that experience, I wouldn't say that I got depressed. I got very curious about just that, you know, this girl who was intoxicated and caused this whole thing and how it impacted my life and the lives of other people, not only mine, my family and my boyfriend's family. All the things and kind of that put me on the path of choosing because I looked at physical therapy. You and I share the similarity that we both went to UNC Charlotte. UNC Charlotte just happened to have a Health and Exercise Science program in the Department of Kinesiology. So that was like an immediate, like I, after that experience was very much on the path of purpose.

09:08

Cheri Honeycutt:  Yeah, okay. Oh, gosh, I just got chills bumps about that. Because that's true for many of us. Sometimes, what looks like a horrific thing that's happened, it doesn't always when we play it out, sometimes we can go back, you never want to be told this in the moment. But you go that was the moment that you got this other little nudge or niggling or you found yourself in the next place, right. Sounds like you might not even have that on your radar screen had you not been in the accident. You were already into body stuff, but… So keep going with your story. Where have you gone from then? From there?

09:47

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah. So there were all kinds of interesting facets along the way, but it got messy after. So I went to school. I ended up in Colorado. That's where I am now because I was following the integrative physiology, the health thing. And I had, 14 years later, another accident where it was the same kind of thing, somebody ran a stop sign. I will never be able to prove if they were intoxicated, but it wasn't good.

And that's when I learned that I had been living with PTSD for 14 years without knowing it. How that showed up at the time, I was in a job where the environment was very toxic. And I knew that in life and in my closer relationships, you know, it really came up through dating, where I would cycle kind of through the same emotions. That's not to say, I wasn't ever happy and didn't enjoy life. I was very much enjoying my life as what I knew it to be and going upon my path, but I was very disconnected.

And the way that I connected to my body was through movement and exercise, but that was kind of in health. And that was really my only tool. But emotionally and mentally, I didn't really have any tools. This accident happened and I had a family friend who said, you know, since you've been in an accident prior to, you probably want to look into EMDR therapy because trauma can awaken in your body.

So that's when really I dove into the mental, emotional, spiritual aspect I had. So it's funny, but this is very true of pain. We can have something happen that causes pain in our body. So we can have an injury, it causes pain. Pain goes away or it doesn't for any number of reasons. But, we can also not experience any type of injury. I was not injured in my second accident, but I experienced a lot of pain. To resolve that, I went through all kinds of physical therapy. So you think like somebody who breaks their back, they have to go through all this stuff. Literally, I had surgery, I had to wear a brace for three to four months, but there was nothing more to it than that. It was like go off. Move. Whatever.

12:55

Cheri Honeycutt:  Bums are healed. You're good. Okay. Gotcha.

12:58

Ashley DePaulis:  Yes. So then this time was much more intensive. No injury at all. So that's when I learned and I had heard from being in the health and chronic stress and disease world that, you know, pain can occur in the body without actually having any reason for it. Then I started having the experience of that. And learning more about trauma and PTSD.

13:27

Cheri Honeycutt:  So let me just sort of recap because this is fascinating to me. So first of all, I have an acronym for pain. And that I've used a lot and I don't know if it—but it's when we have any kind of pain, Please Acknowledge I'm in Need. And it's one of the ways I look at physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain, that is simply a lovely little warning sign that something needs our attention. That may be too simplistic, but that's what's come up for me as I'm listening to you.

13:56

Ashley DePaulis:  It's perfect.

13:58

Cheri Honeycutt:  And also you're talking about PTSD. And I just want to say this out loud that that is a term that is in our normal vernacular now and culture, but I don't know that we always talk about it and mean the same thing. We kind of use it sort of simplistically, but PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, is a real thing and it gets triggered, right? You tell me. I'm not the expert. It gets triggered. And then like you said, you didn't even know you had it. And so that's what then shows up. Let me see if I've heard the story right.

Now you're having these physical pains that didn't match the actual thing that you went through. Wow, now you have to look at that because you're in pain. What did you do? Tell me what you did. Tell us what you did.

14:50

Ashley DePaulis:  I did a lot of things. I did EMDR therapy.

14:56

Cheri Honeycutt:  And that's a light—I can't remember exactly what the EMDR—

15:01

Ashley DePaulis:  It’s Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I did that. And that works fairly quickly. What that does is really diminishes the stress response that comes up in the body and the mind. For me, it was like driving down the road and a car coming since I was sideswiped. A car coming from a certain direction, interestingly, in this kind of gets into, like, further off stuff, but all my accidents happened on the left side.

15:48

Cheri Honeycutt:  Wow, what does that mean to you? I know what it pings in me, but I'm curious. What does that mean to you?

15:56

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah, so when I recognized that, so one part of my healing journey was recognizing energetic boundaries that are ruptured. So if somebody has a trauma and there was an impact, like an accident, or an attack, why we can see things happen on the same side, like my accidents, or why somebody seems to be attacked from behind anytime they're attacked, feel like these repeated events, is because energetic boundaries have been ruptured.

So when I learned about that, so one piece of that were pain, it wasn't an ‘Oh my gosh! This hurts so bad pain’, but it was a ‘my left arm did not feel attached to my body at times’. That didn't stop me from, you know, movement or anything like that. It was just this annoying, achy feeling that would come up. And so when I repaired that boundary, not only did car accidents stop happening, but also my arm, like immediately, I've never had that issue again.

17:21

Cheri Honeycutt:  Wow. So what I'm loving about this is that folks, and I have several people in my life who I would say and I hope this works for you, they run sensitive. Meaning that their bodies and their story and their life really shines lights on the opportunities they have for growth. And I always see that, as the observer of that, as such a blessing. It doesn't mean that's fun, but I think for folks who are moving through their life and things start to get stuck or stagnant or it’s not what they want. They may start to feel these kinds of weather, physical things, emotional clinginess, or unhappiness or emotional discomfort is in fact, in some way, an opportunity for you to go, “Hey, where am I leaking energy? Where am I not feeding myself? Where am I not in alignment?” You're nodding your head. Does that land for you?

18:25

Ashley DePaulis:  Yes. It does.

18:27

Cheri Honeycutt:  So as you start to repair—I love that word ‘repair’—these leaks and this energy and so how is this leading you into now serving others? I mean, if you've got more of your own story, I'm still wanting to continue to hear that, but I'm curious how that leads into now you're working around this issue of burnout and stress. Take us through that. Take us through that leap.

18:57

Ashley DePaulis:  So, where do I want to start with this? The reason that I lead people through burnout and stress is because I lived with that. So not only through PTSD, but in being a woman, we've been in a man's world, trying to work and produce and, you know, be uber successful in a man's world. Women's energy doesn't quite work like a man's. We don't have to work like them, though we have been and that's what's burning us out. So it's like a two-fold thing because that's what I've seen also with my clients. Just this very like mental, physical, how they're approaching things, and that's just like totally killing their energy and them being connected to themselves and them actually experiencing joy and pleasure and all the things. So that's one aspect of it.

But I learned so much through my healing journey. So I already knew what I knew about the body from, you know, school and what I knew around health and fitness. But then through the healing process, just the energetic component, and how easily so when we're in a stress response, when we're experiencing a dysregulated nervous system, which is what PTSD is, we can shift that system through many modalities into the parasympathetic, rest and digest. And that's where healing and growth happens.

For people who are going along in life and experiencing pain or are locked in a stress response or dysregulated nervous system, they do run up against the wall, the proverbial wall of not being able to get to where they want to go because their system, their energy is not in the growth and expansion healing energy long enough for them to get to where they want to go.

21:21

Cheri Honeycutt:  Yes. That makes complete sense. They're not there, right. And I just flashed on this meme that I saw the other day. And it was sort of a joke about man, that if men get stuck, what they do is just doing what they've been doing, but doing it harder, just doing it harder and louder. Well, if we as women are still following that model, all of a sudden, we start to not get the results we want. We just keep doing what we've been doing, but just try to do more of it, which is the counter opposite of what you just spoke about. Well, if I'm banging my head on the door and I'm not getting through, let me just bang it harder.

So your clients and yourself, what advice do you have for folks who are—how do you turn that around? What do we what should we do instead?

22:14

Ashley DePaulis:  Stop. Take your hands of the wheel, the gas pedal, whatever it may be.

22:21

Cheri Honeycutt:  Pull over.

22:24

Ashley DePaulis:  I think the biggest thing and I know that you probably seen this as well like, somebody has to be at the point where they're ready to accept or step into a new way of doing things because I can't come along and they meet me and they're like, oh, my gosh, you have the answer. They're not gonna have that thought unless they're like, really ready.

So what I would say, first and foremost, is just the awareness around how have I been doing things that hasn't been working and why do I think that this is the one way. It's usually based on like, I've been doing this thing for so long, and I haven't lifted my head up. It's like your vision is so clouded because you've just had your head down going. And you can lift your head up, and it just opens your eyes to a greater perspective.

23:32

Cheri Honeycutt:  Absolutely. Yeah, you know, that is so common that I've actually created a little tool. I'll put a link to it in the in the notes. But about when we get stuck, what we've done is we've narrowed it down where we think there really is only this one choice and just like what you did as I watched your face, you lift your eyes up and go, “Wait a minute, there might be five other ways to do this, 10 other ways.”

Simply the exercise of saying how else could I do this frees up your energy, changes it. You might even go back to the thing you were originally doing but you come at it with a new energy, a new tiny tweak, but it's that stuckness and that bullheadedness we get sometimes, right? We're bullheaded. Just keep thinking we're going to going to we're going to force ourselves into relaxing, force ourselves into ease.

I told a story on a podcast that I've recorded. I don't know if we’ve already played it or not. But my first husband came in one time after I'd gotten a VHS tape to do stress relieving. And he said that's a great idea as he rolls his eyes. And he goes out to the garage and he comes back catch me fast forwarding to the end of the stress reduction tape. Yeah, seriously. And I think that I kind of that is what a lot of us want to do. What's the short version or the can I just keep doing what I'm doing but feel better and you're saying, “No, we've got to step back.” That’s what I heard you say. Step back. I also heard you say, “To ask ourselves some questions. Be curious about it.” Do you have more to say on that?

25:14

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah, and I and you pointed it out too, like, when we ask questions, when there is curiosity, then we allow in more of that opportunity. And I think it's important to, you know, I consider myself outside of any conditioning that I have received to be an achiever or living in a man's world. I do consider myself to be very driven and ambitious. It's easy for me to lean into the masculine ‘doing’ energy. And the thing I was gonna say, I didn't realize the other day that so my sun sign is Leo and Leo is masculine. And I was like, “oh, that makes so much sense.” Anyways, I didn't know that.

And part of slowing down, part of stepping back, being curious—that's more of a feminine energy. That is sometimes what feels uncomfortable to people. I think there's a and I've even heard this from clients, a perception that you're not working hard enough when you're in that energy to produce anything of importance, which like that gets into some toxicity. It’s like reframing our mindset around that most definitely. And the way that we are treating ourselves because you said bullheaded, so we become, or we have become very many times when we're like, head down, we're bullying ourselves.

27:14

Cheri Honeycutt:  Yeah, the bully—

27:13

Ashley DePaulis:  No bully policy is what—

27:17

Cheri Honeycutt:  Exactly. If we really think about that, we're treating ourselves, we are trying to force, manipulate, and coerce from an ugly place us to do something. And typically, bullies are trying to get us to do something that is against our best interest. Do you know what I mean? If we really get our head around that.

So I also want to go back to something you said, and I hope I'm saying this correctly, but my understanding is that the left side of our body is our feminine side. It is the side where we receive. I found that was really interesting, as you're getting your attention about your left side. And our right side is where we give out.

For you guys listening, this is not about masculine or feminine is better or worse than. It's about the having both and when we run one too strong, it's out of whack and vice versa. You could sit at home all day long and do internal things. If you never put it out in the world, for example, your business won't grow. Or if you're constantly out there, but not taking care of your inside, it won't grow in the way you want it to do it either. It's about being balanced.

You have targeted your work around high achieving women because you know that they're probably running their masculine at high degree. So when you work with folks, what do you find like the things that's constantly coming up that they can do to be more balanced, if you will, to be more in alignment with their true self? What are the things you typically have folks to do?

29:06

Ashley DePaulis:  I want to highlight this because I think it will partly answer this question you guys ask. We were just talking about the feminine and masculine sides and it's both that we need to lean into. I've definitely been so far in one and I've done both really well.

29:28

Cheri Honeycutt:  A+!

29:29

Ashley DePaulis:  To figure out what not to do. It's like walking a line. It's like coming back to that line. So interestingly, because I strongly will lean into the masculine very easily, how that showed up in my body and how I've seen it show up in other women's bodies, even if we didn't have the similar injuries, some of this is around some injury patterns and some of it's not. Some of us are just energetic, which emotional mental stuff.

I have this right side body tension pattern. That’s showing up in its worst is that my right hip is like totally locked up. I don't have a lot of movement or flexibility on that side. My left side is like super flexible. But in walking—so an interesting thing that I observed after my second car accident was that's the one where I didn't have an “injury”, but did all this physical support around and also mental, emotional. But I noticed that when I walked, I felt like one hip was leaning more, and that was my right hip, so the masculine side. And my left side wasn't quite there and it didn't feel quite balanced. So that is a typical thing.

No matter, if somebody is leaning more into their feminine or more in their masculine for women, it shows up in their hips, it shows up in low back, it can show up in sacral area. So the belly, the back, the hips, especially around moving forward and feeling supported.

So that's a huge thing that always comes up. A big thing that we work on is creating support within the body and also deepening into trusting ourselves as being a guide. So when we talk about the, you know, there's only this one way that we've done things, and it's the way that we always have, but then it's not working, we have to trust ourselves to go in a new direction. And we have to anchor that within our body. We have to anchor that through supporting ourselves in new ways. So those are kind of a common things that come up.

32:12

Cheri Honeycutt:  That is so awesome. And if I could just tell you how screwed up my back is and my hips. I'm sitting here going, “I gotta work with Ashley, man.” I mean, I don't even want to go there. I don't want to tell you. But it's interesting. I will tell you, I know so many women who do have back and hip and walking issues. And what you're saying is, is this could be some kind of guidance, a little people into, it tells a story perhaps. And that pain is a place where you can actually start working and increase your awareness of kind of maybe how you're living your life, as to how your body is feeling.

So I want to know how then you work with people. So again, folks, listen to this. We're talking about living our life on purpose. We talk a lot about being brave enough to go, “Hey, the life I'm living right now ain't working for me.” “Hey, I might be so, so happy. But I think I want more.” “I no longer want to live with that emotional pain or that mental pain or that physical pain. I want more.” If anyone's listening, and they're going, I want to talk to Ashley. I want to know how you work with people. Walk us through that? Do you have to be in person? Can you do this online? How do people work with you and your brilliance? Tell us.

33:46

Ashley DePaulis:  Yes. I mean, we've been in a pandemic so I have not actually seen a body in person in a long time. I do everything online. It's coaching, guiding, and teaching. It's all of those things. I very much believe whether it's in a group so I've worked in small groups, I work one-on-one, being able to provide customized guidance to people. It’s very important to me because I think trying to navigate some of this is not easy. The healing piece, it doesn't have to take forever. But if you can't apply it to your own experience, it's not going to be very helpful. It's not a D.I.Y. thing.

34:53

Cheri Honeycutt:  So I love that you said that because I do think people can do a whole lot of their own healing. But when you have someone who can come in who's been on the same path, but a couple of steps ahead, like a coach or someone else that is going to exponentially move you further down, plus someone who's going to be able to customize it, and has that intuition and the expertise. So what you bring to the table is understanding of the body, understanding of trauma firsthand, and from books, and learning.

And you guys, this idea, I was just looking at us on here on the Zoom or recording, we tend to as humans to stay in our head and what Ashley is telling us here is no, no, no, the wisdom is what we're not seeing on the camera. It's the whole body. And so tell me what's on the other side for folks who really step into this embodied success? What's the carrot? What did they get to enjoy when you get on the other side? And as if there's not another side, but you know what I mean, when you’re… Tell us about what you get to enjoy? What are the outcomes, the benefits?

36:29

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah, the benefits. I'm trying to find like a more fun word. The utopia. I would say so. I want to answer this from what I've personally seen. For myself, is that just a deepened awareness of who I am, how I operate. How that has been translated by my clients? A big thing that is spoken by them is that they not only feel more grounded, healthy, and energetic, they don't emotionally react in the same way that they once did. That allows them to feel more confident in their pursuits. Then also in their relationships, they're having like a lot more fun. Everything isn't that like… (Laughs)

37:43

Cheri Honeycutt:  Let that soak in. A lot more fun. Yeah. The word that came to my mind is the word “equanimity”, which is fairly a new word for me a couple years ago. I don't know why I went through my whole life not knowing it. But that sense that there's fewer of those really high-highs and low-lows that we've got that piece that comes with. We got thrown a curveball, but I've got the resources to handle it. Look at this deliciousness I get to enjoy and I'm not gonna sit in fear that this is going to come to an end or when other shoe is gonna drop.

That lovely place of trust and peace. And I love that you said then that leads to confidence. Confidence, who doesn't need more of that? Whether you're building a business or stepping out and dating or writing a book or doing whatever, you know, to have that confidence. And then I love that you said grounded and again, that's one of those words, we say it a lot. Let's really think about what that means. We're not at the whim of the world. We're truly planted. We have roots that we can handle stuff. That is an amazing delicious pay off, right? That's so delicious.

39:00

Ashley DePaulis:  Because you'd mentioned it earlier, when we’re grounded, so when we're in our head, we're kind of all scattered and everything feels like it's coming at us and we are overwhelmed. But when we’re grounded, we're actually in our body where the mind, the body, and the heart can work in unison. That's why we can respond in a whole new way, with a whole new confidence.

39:29

Cheri Honeycutt:  So I have a couple of questions that I like to ask everybody and we've probably covered them but let me look at my little list here. So first of all, I've loved, so loved your story and I love that out of what might have been a mess, you've come up with a message that's just so powerful. You're living on purpose, Ashley. You're clearly living your purpose and very inspiring.

So how do you know when you're in the flow? My guess is it has something to do with your body, but how do you know when you're in flow? And how might you know when you out of flow? Talk about that.

40:04

Cheri Honeycutt:  And I think that's important because we're going to go in and out of it. It’s like what tools do we have to help us get back in it? Because I think a lot of times, people have this notion that once I have something, it should just work like that forever. It goes back to that, that one thing that really worked. No. We have to move with the changes in life like that saying is the only constant is change or something like that.

So being able to move with that, that's where I know that I'm in flow is where I'm not so fixated on something having to be a certain way or attached to it being a certain way, like really welcoming in new opportunities, ideas. I know for sure, because a big thing that I learned about myself on my healing journey of how easy it is, and in part, healing is isolating. And I took it to a whole new level in ways. I over achieved in isolation. And now the pandemic has taught us what now everyone knows what that’s like. There's that healthy and the unhealthy aspects of these things. Being able to recognize when you're leaning too far into one or too far in the other and then when you're really holding that line.

41:48

Cheri Honeycutt:  Yeah, being able to notice that. So what's the sign when you need to do a little realignment shares with us one sign that you that comes up for you?

41:59

Ashley DePaulis:  Like obsessive annoying thoughts like fabricating… I heard it recently and I really liked this. Self-fabricated stress.

42:13

Cheri Honeycutt:  I have no idea what you're talking about. I do not know what you’re saying. (Laughter)

42:20

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah, that's the one I noticed.

42:22

Cheri Honeycutt:  So when you're doing the mind chatter, when all of a sudden you're creating story, you're deciding what other people think, or how things are gonna turn out, you're just creating a narrative that's like, just total fiction.

42:32

Ashley DePaulis:  That sucks. It’s not even good.

42:33

Cheri Honeycutt:  No. Let’s do one that’s at least, you know, to our favor, right? So Ashley, tell me a part of some part of your routine that keeps you centered? Tell me something. Share with us just a part of your routine that keeps you centered.

42:56

Ashley DePaulis:  So it's my dog and going out and walking with Him. But when I do that, I also do a grounding meditation or prayer however you want to see that, as I'm walking with Him. That is really something that taps me not only into my energy, but it's at the start of my day. So I set myself up for success versus jumping into something and then like trying to recover, wait, where am I in all of this?

43:31

Cheri Honeycutt:  I love that. So what I'm envisioning is you're going outside, you're doing this meditation, you're with your dog. And I love that that meditation can be this walking intentional thought, heart space. It doesn't have to be sit down, cross legged, you know? I love that. I love that. Okay, so if you had to put one of your favorite mantras or mottos or something like that on a bumper sticker, would it be? What would be either your message to the world or the message you'd need to most remember every day, however you want to interpret that?

44:08

Ashley DePaulis:  There's so many, but the one that's coming to mind right now, because I remember writing this to you. And it and it's a very important thing for me to keep coming back to, is that I don't have to sacrifice myself or something I want or something I desire for either success or someone else. I know for me that can show up in relationship at times. I don't have to sacrifice. I'm not the sacrificial lamb. Not in this life.

44:44

Cheri Honeycutt:  Not in this lifetime. And you know, you had sent that to me in an email and I love that and I thought and again, I know men who do this as well, but I would imagine there's a lot of women who can identify with that having even been the story what they were told to do, and then somehow have been romanticized. You give so much of yourself and you're just saying no bullshit flag on the play. Nope, I don't have to. I love that. I love that.

Ashley, is there something I haven't asked you that you want to share? Is there anything I've missed? Something that you want to share?

45:22

Ashley DePaulis:  Not anything that's coming to mind other than, you know, I can promo myself, but I think that we've done a good job with that.

45:32

Cheri Honeycutt:  Well, I know, but that leads me into the next question. I will put this in the show notes, but for folks who are driving or listening. Tell folks how to reach you. Go for it. Promo!

45:43

Ashley DePaulis:  Yeah, so I hang out on Instagram. I am not always promoting my work on Instagram. I did for a long time, but I'm mostly on LinkedIn for that. Because I'm expanding more into guiding and leading teams of women that already exists out there. I'm not having to create them on my own. That was a big learning experience for me. I'm also on Facebook. I'm on all the platforms. Maybe I lean more into LinkedIn for work. You can see a little bit more about my life on Instagram here and there. I don't lock myself into sharing everything about myself.

46:31

Cheri Honeycutt:  I love that. And I love that you mentioned specifically because I've asked you a lot of questions about your work with individuals, but you do work with teams. Corporations can bring you in. Any kind of associations, groups that already had who were already come together. You're a perfect fit for that. So I want you guys to understand that Ashley does her work in a variety of ways. And you can look in the show notes for her those connections.

So here's my last and final question. Yeah. Is it milk chocolate or dark chocolate?

Ashley DePaulis:  Oh, dark.

47:03

Cheri Honeycutt:  Okay, good. We can stay friends. (Laughs) Oh, Ashley, I have just taken so many notes. I can't hardly even encapsulate all the wonderful things that you've given us today. Reminding us though, I think if I summarize it this way, and correct me if I've gotten it wrong. That our bodies are the most beautiful, miraculous, wonderful teachers. They're the place where healing begins. It's the place that we need to give more and more attention to as our as the world keeps us in our head. That the more that we can go into our body. That's where the gold is. Is that fair to say?

47:41

Ashley DePaulis:  It is. That's where your wisdom lies.

47:44

Cheri Honeycutt:  Where your wisdom lies and even when the pains come up and those things, all that can be dealt with when you step in and intentionally, I'll just make a plug here for the word ‘on purpose’. Be willing to on purpose, look at, explore, and heal those. Ashley, thank you so much.

48:10

Ashley DePaulis:  I was going to say, I know this isn't always the easiest for people, when the sign start coming up, listen when it's a whisper versus one is.

48:21

Cheri Honeycutt:  Ah, yeah, when it's a little, little pebble that hits you in the forehead instead of the 2x4, right?

48:27

Ashley DePaulis:  Yes, the pebble in your shoe. Listen to that.

48:29

Cheri Honeycutt:  Absolutely. Gosh, that is a phenomenal way to listen. And if it's already a 2x4, love on yourself and call for help. But if it's if you're getting the little pebbles or the little nudges, listen to that. Ashley, thank you so, so much.

48:44

Ashley DePaulis:  Thanks for having me.

48:47

Cheri Honeycutt:  You're so welcome.