I'm a Life Designer and a "But" Kicker and here's what I know for sure.
You can have a beautiful life, inside and out, when you live On Purpose!
Over the years, I’ve helped thousands of people get unstuck and create the personal and professional life they’ve always intended. I’ve helped immobilized and impotent people wriggle out of their stuckness to see possibility. I've helped them craft a plan for a vibrant, beautiful and purposeful life, inside and out!
If you think I've been able to do this because I have some unusual super-power that allows me to have an extraordinarily beautiful life 100% of the time myself . . .well . . . let me stop you right there!
I've been able to coach others largely because I've been stuck over and over myself. I've spent years feeling frustrated and unproductive, struggling to have what I needed, not to mention what I wanted. My message and my work has come out of my own mess!
It began with a kiss . . . or so I thought
In 2014, the love of my life walked into my kitchen and kissed me, shocking us both and changing us forever.
He was a man I’d been friends with since middle school but had never ever thought of romantically. But he kissed me and immediately my life was altered.
Three years after that kiss, I was married for a second time, had moved into my dream home back in my home town, had reacquainted myself with a vibrant group of friends, went on regular vacations, laughed every, single day, had a lot of new throw pillows and my two kids were closer than ever to having a stable and healthy future.
Family Photo 2018
Me and the Love of my life, Mark
But This is No Cinderella Story
You must hear me when I say this, before all of that, my life had been a real shit-show.
I became single when a 20-year marriage blew up. I had two special needs kids whose lives were anything but straight-forward. I worked endlessly to build my speaking and coaching business only to feel like a fraud. I wrote books on how to change your thoughts while at the same time had an inner critic (named Sasha) who could bring me to my knees without breaking a sweat. I had a rocky relationship with my ex-husband whom I let take advantage of my pleaser tendencies. I had very little funds and worried constantly about the next emergency and how much it was going to cost me. I went on the occasional date with men, nice enough I suppose, but would leave feeling “meh." I was depleted on every level and would have given my life a low “C”.
I saw a psychic once who summed it up best. She called herself the Hillbilly Psychic and said to me in her mountain accent the first time we met, “I just look at you and I’m tarred. You look like yer waitin’ for the other shoe ta drop.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself!
On Vacation at St. John
Some people wish for a beautiful life, others make their life Beautiful!
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
I had been designing my life all along!
But then, what seemed like overnight, things began to get better.
I wondered, “Did I have a Fairy Godmother after all?”
Yes, I suppose I did. I did have a Fairy Godmother and it was ME! When I look at everything that had happened and was continuing to burst forth, I realized I had changed my life. I was changing my life one day at a time.
It seems that during those hard years I never stopped wanting and thinking about a life that would make my heart sing.
Between taking the kids to countless appointments and fixing things that were forever breaking, I did my internal work to know myself more deeply. With a bedside table covered in self-help books, I explored my strengths as well as my most unattractive qualities. At the urging of friends and therapists, I pushed myself to be brave and work my courage muscle to speak up for what I needed and wanted. Often with a meek and shaky voice, I would tell others how and why things had to change.
Looking back, I believe things shifted for me because between the cracks of my crazy, not-so-happy life, there was some light peeking through. My tears and my frustrations were actually road maps and highway signs showing me the way to something different, something better, something more fulfilling.
Even though it seemed like I was doing all I could do just to put one foot in front of the other (and I was), I was also designing my ideal life. I was crafting and creating and designing all along.
Despite the chaos, powerful things were emerging within me. I learned the importance of taking 100% responsibility for my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I learned to set healthier boundaries with my kids, my ex-husband, my friends, in my business, and with myself. I learned to stop blaming others for my life or giving credit to others for things I had accomplished. I learned there was nothing wrong or crazy or indulgent about wanting a purposeful life. I learned to be honest with myself.
As best I could, I rowed my own boat, with my own oars down the river of my choice.
I stopped letting life simply take me where it wanted me to go. I deliberately stopped living by default. (I've got a great podcast on this topic)
That is what Life by Design is all about.
It's about helping all of us design, create, and live our lives on purpose!
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of days I get derailed. Times when I lose it and forget what I had learned only to run into the same road blocks as before. Like everyone else, I have days where I feel broken and forlorn.
But now I possess something I didn't fully appreciate those many years ago. I have wisdom and knowing. My body, mind and my spirit know better. They know I can have a fabulous life and they are determined I never forget it! I know what I have to do to live the life I want. I know I have to live each day on purpose, taking action and responsibility. I know I need self-compassion and laughter and hugs. I know I need a plan and enough spontaneity to keep me on my toes.
I now know the way to the life I want. I now have the tools to navigate myself back on the path which leads to the life I have always intended to live.
I made a path to the life I love, and so can you!
Life by Design's mission is to help everyone design their best life. Not just to design it, but LIVE IT!
Right Now. Today!
Listen to one of my first podcasts (Ep 2) to hear how this picture on the left. . . the one with discount roses stuck in a used tequila bottle. . . can remind you to make every day count and do what every you have to do RIGHT NOW to live the life you've always intended . . . On Purpose!